family politics
ARGH!!!!!!! *smashes something*
excuse me will you? i do believe i'm abt to go on a ranting rampage....
FAMILY POLITICS. let's list my family heirarchy shall we?
the supposedly family heirarchy:
* the parent unit - tog, they come up w decisions etc etc etc
* me, bc i'm the oldest
* david, bc he's the youngest
BUT
what it really is:
* the parent unit - mother has a strangle hold on father when it comes to how the children are raised....unfortunately, i really can't say that, bc father pretty much holds the same ideas as mother - he just doesn't implement them as much as she does
*grandma: either side....anyone who - well respect elders so i have no quelms....
* david - now, i don't know how it works.....but the fact that he is A BOY and the YOUNGEST has helped him throughout his FRIGGIN life when it comes to family politics
* anyone who happens to be parents friends - they sit around and dictate how children should be raised
*and then there's me......
OK ENOUGH ALREADY.
i'm so sick of this actually. I AM A FRIGGIN OBEDIENT DAUGHTER OK? how DARE YOU MAKE me feel so FRIGGIN GUILTY over trying to DISCUSS something as simple as HOW LONG I CAN STAY OUT
i actually don't know who i'm more angry at. is it me? is it the parent unit? is it david?
i'm angry at david for being the youngest. for soaking every lasting penny from it. from doing his best to gain everything from it. i'm angry that he's the boy. i'm angry that THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. i'm really pissed off that he was too big in the kitchen that his big freakish frame wouldn't allow room btw mother and myself. i'm really really really really really really really really angry that his the LAZIEST person in the world...
i'm really angry at the parent units for compromising themselves when it comes to david. i'm angry that they allow him to get away w so many things. i'm angry that father buys him 50 million games and any other toy that david has been screaming abt. i'm angry that mother tells me that she does that for me too...well yes u do, and u do buy things for me at a higher extent...BUT EXCUSE ME, i'm sure u do that FOR DAVID TOO RIGHT? i'm angry at the way the parents have this idea that BECAUSE DAVID IS THE YOUNGEST he should be looked after..."thu, when we go, u have to look after davd...and his family" and his friggin goldfish right? i'm angry that they say that, but act differently w their sisters and brothers. i'm really really angry that they think that he's a boy, he plays by different rules....FINE...david may go to year 5 camp, christine may not...FINE....david may start staying home by himself at the age of 14....christine may not...i'm REALLY REALLY ANGRY that bc i'm more obedient than david, they GUILT TRIP me until i feel WORTHLESS and LIKE SHIT for raising up issues....FEEL LIKE I'VE CRUSHED THEIR FRIGGIN SPIRITS....
and then it leads to me. I HATE FEELING GUILT TRIPPED. I HATE HOW I THINK I'VE HURT THEM. i hate knowing i feel like that bc i have a higher appreciation of what the parents do for the kids than david WILL EVER KNOW. i hate knowing, that after all of this, it's me who'll regret and be me who'll essentially compromise AGAIN. i hate how i'm doing the compromising when what brought this on was me trying to get them to compromise.
i hate how i don't know how to bring up issues abt how they raise me wo getting right back here. i hate not knowing how to make it right.
and the worse of it all, is i know they try their best. that they do what they think is right. that they're doing this for my own good.
and because i do appreciate what they've done, and how they've done it....
i hate knowing that i'm going to turn out just LIKE them......bc in their position -
its the only thing to do.
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