spinster me
frick i'm tired. went to bed at 3am last night. woke up at 7. yep. i'm SLEEPY!!!!!
my mother has been bugging me more and more for the bf. why? oh bc i'm apparently NOT COMPLETE wo one. i see.
hmmm. well, while i think it would be great to have someone who is more than just a friend, someone that u can actually call at 2am and not feel guilty abt. or call last minute to do something, yeah that would be great. but somewhere along the way, i just realised, me= not ready for a relationship.
imagine the stress of it all. yuk. haha. i also have this massive fear of not being absolutely clingy. oh and also the 'hate thing' that seems to happen. i've realised that i can be particularly good at building a wall. the thing is, doing so means my 'hate u' tolerance increases like crazy and suddenly i lose prospective. i'll hate to spend more energy creating a 'dislike field' just bc its hurts less to have it. i hate the fact doing so means u forget the good times and its all and all lost its meaning.
and until i learn how to do deal w all of it properly, there's no way i'm going to have a bf. plus, atm, i can't deal w guys who insist on being cutsies w their gfs. that's gross. i'd be standing maybe 20 m away from the guy if he did that to be. hell, smack him down a restraining order maybe. who knows.
i had this funny dream the other day. i totally 'missed the boat' this time around in terms of going out etc etc and in a flash of an eye, i managed to turn 40. and suddenly i'm dating the 'divorced' men.
haha. man that's sad. let's face it. i'm going to be a spinster. oh well. might as well be proud of it.
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