scared shitless
Wonder #1: what exactly is it that causes u to get into a shit mood? is there a precise moment?
OH boy. Not good news is it? i'm starting to get this unnerving feeling in the depths of my chest that tells me i'm about to head down a spiral. AND it's not a great feeling.
In fact, it feels like i'm going to lose the plot soon. That everything is going to fall apart - and crumble - or i'll crumble. I wonder if there is a precise moment? better yet, if there were, could u stop THAT moment?
Truth of the matter, I'm scared shitless. I think its bc i'm abt to face a major mental hurdle and it means i'm going to have to deal w the cold, harsh, truth abt myself. U know, the bad characteristics in me. I know i've said it before, i think i'm all right - like there's still lots to improve but i am happy w myself - i think...but i guess its time for me to change something- hehe make the improvement.
See how desperately i'm trying to keep optimistic here? i rather think- that if u don't want to be in the bad mood, if u keep pushing, u can get out of it...so i'm trying. So yes, i'm going to face one of my demons i think...fairly soon...and i just hope i pull out of it a better person.
I think i should be able to right? bc its the learning process...yeah...something like that...
it still doesn't mean i'm scared and worried and praying like anything that it's going to be ok - it will be - eventually, i know that....i just hope its ok sooner rather than later.
Ok ok..ummm think of something good - i have a great family, i have great friends. Thanks for just being there.
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