working it out
Thought #2: Can one be secure w themselves and yet be insecure abt the world around them?
hmmm...tough thought. Hmm...let us ponder this shall we? hehe ok, the truth is i've been thinking abt this since my crapular week - where i was feeling pretty insecure abt things going around me...
And in true hinesight, i was more insecure abt things going on around me than i was insecure abt myself...bc to me... i had stayed the same...and everything else was changing...
I'm going to sound damn cocky in this blog - not that i really mean to - but that's what its going to sound like. But, i can honestly say that i'm ok w the person that i am at this very moment - i don't feel like i'm totally brilliant, but i don't feel like i need drastic improvments (well not yet anyway).
I know i have many faults: being very messy for one, being very lazy, not being motivated enough, not appreciating family, friends and my opportunities enough,being incredibly selfish when it suits me, being selective w who i hang out w, talk to, and i make quick judgements too.
But i also know i have some pretty good qualities: i'm loyal (don't u dare try messing w my family or friends...i'll skin u alive), i play fair, i put in effort when i see it as very important too, i'm always trying to make sure ppl around me don't feel so lonely, i really aim to see things from other ppls views, i try to be very open minded and i like to think that i care over the little details that most ppl dont remember or can't be bothered w.
The truth is, we all have our good points and our bad points. And if we're going to be honest w ourselves, most of us will believe that our good qualities outweigh the bad ones. But we can't really say that out loud, bc then u look like ur bragging, or ur cocky - basically u're perceived as being a snob and most ppl despise it.
So i'll only do it here. I think i'm doing pretty well for myself. Yes i'm still insecure over some things, and yes i still have loads and loads of things to improve. I am however, certain that i know what is important to life for me at this point in time, certain that i work towards becoming a better person everyday, certain that i will become a better person in the future.
Insecurity is a funny thing. It links w the feeling of being vulnerable and wondering what is going to happen to u and whether or not u're going to end up liking it. And i've realised, since my crapular week, that, as long as i'm secure w the person that i am, then i'm ok. As long as i know deep down, that at this time, though i need to learn so much more, i'm still making some sort of progress, then i'll be fine.
The world is always going to be rocky. Outside situations will always be tough. We feel insecure over the world around us bc we don't have total control. But u do have total control over urself. Figure out what u like and dislike abt urself, think abt whether or not ur happy w ur lists. The truth is - when u're secure abt urself - then let chaos happen around u - u will pull through. This was one of the toughest lessons i've learnt - and hehe funny that, i have crapular week to thank fo that.
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