blah
self pity is so selfish and destructive.
hehehe oh sigh. i'm still running through "what's wrong w u" lists....it seems so never ending...
i reckon its the accumulation of every little nitty gritty bad thing abt me since my last self evaluation...when was that? oh something like 8 years ago...so that's a lot of things to come up and each time my mind mocks me - ha! thought u were doing pretty well huh? yeah....RIGHT....
hehe i'm getting there though. days don't seem so terrible anymore. nights are bearable. my own thoughts are tiresome, but i'm getting use to them now.
i have a feeling that when this blows over. i'm starting again. anew, some sort of change, some sort of new tactic to deal w everything in the world. hopefully, it'll be for the better. but i think that's the weirdest thing of them all, i know i'm definitely going to change after this. change maybe a little, maybe drastically, but there will a change.
i can take joy in knowing though, that i'm going through this now. and hopefully, what i get out of it, will help me alot later - when i ACTUALLY face true REAL life problems. sigh. wish me luck.
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