Chvi

lonely friendships

I have an odd thought in my mind at the moment.

How do u end a friendship?

I am probaby not a stranger to this concept. There is 1 person I remember of that I cut out of my life completely bc of the way i was getting treated and I haven't regretted that move since.

But I am now face with the dilemma of having to figure out what to do with this friendship. It is an old friendship, well cemented in its ways, and a friendship that I certainly have enjoyed having.

But underlying alot of it has always been a grumbling feeling that I'm getting abused and used. Emotionally. Alot. And we went through this already once last year, and it took a whole lot out of me. And yet the cycle is starting again and I can feel it. I see it. I see proof of it almost everytime we interact.

Some part of me wants to chuck in the towel and be done with it. But it seems so drastic for a friendship that has had fun times. And I really don't want to say goodbye. I really don't. Bc I really like this friendship when its in its good times. It's one of my better friendships.

But what do u do when u are not equal in a friendship. I am constantly having to go out of my way or compromise first. And its starting to suck. A whole lot.

Still stuck on what to do. I could talk. I could. But this friendship was never destined for these hard talks.

I am well aware that I'm starting to alienate alot of my friends at the moment. But I can't help but notice, if i don't do the initiating, then i don't get contacted. It's lonely realising that.

posted by chvi @ 11:16 PM