deep thoughts yet again
Thought #3: Why is it that it takes time to finally understand things, to see things clearly, to figure out what u really want?
Ok seriously, what else did u expect? After 4 fairly airy fairy blogs, of course deep and meaningful blogs were coming YOUR WAY! and well here's two in a row..joy..
Anyhoot (is that ur word tina?), i was contemplating this idea the ride home. It's weird how we'll go through shit periods...and then somewhere along the way...it'll be ok... and then u look at it in hinesight, and go...oh all i needed was time.
Time. hmm...what happens if u don't have it? this is going to sound a bit morbid, but everytime i''m in a shit period, the biggest fear i have is, dying w that feeling. I have this rather nice image (ok as nice as it can be) that when i do die, the moments before, all i think abt are my family and my friends and how they have enriched my life (boy i sound like some health promotion person or something). i really don't want to know that my last moments on earth were full of me going...my life is shit.
But crap periods are a normal part of life isn't it? Everyone has their ups and downs and we have to take it on. But like i said, i worry that in my shit times, i could die w that shit feeling. And the more that i think abt it, its probably this that makes me tackle my shit times head on. Yes i'll feel bad, but i'll shift through every feeling, and force them out. Why do i feel like this? could it possibly be bc of this? or that? and i guess its this fear that makes me go and talk to friends abt how i feel - bc to me, when i verbalise them, i acknowledge the problem - and for friends...i always try to find a reason for it...so basically...i get to go here's my problem, here's why i think i have the problem...and then left over energy is used to figure out what i do from here.
And i must say, its pretty effective for me. I'll just sit in one spot and make myself go, u feel like this and this, bc of this and this, and due to this reason, u feel like this and that abt this situation and here's what u do abt it. i get this sense of relief when i can do that to my problems...bc i know i can soon move out of my shit period...
Now that i know what i do do when i'm in my crapular times, i'm going to try and speed it up. Bc the less time i spend in crapular periods, the less likely i'm going to end up dying w negative thoughts in my head. hmm...ok, this is odd. sorry if i spooked u guys out there.
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