turning point
sometimes all it u need is a reminder.
hehe hmmm ok, so i think its safe to say that i'm on the road to the BIG MEND....i'm feeling marginally better. ummmm dont get me wrong, still working on those " u suck bc..." lists, but i'm not so afraid of them anymore, perhaps, bc i've waddled my way through so much shitza.
today, i FINALLY met KALPANA after a whole friggin year! and it was great. no weirdness, just great. even better when she handed me TWO presents (hehe), and a letter...and what was in the letter was....surprising...
and the letter, amazingly enough, summed up everything i pretty much needed to hear this whole week. so amazingly weird when kal had no clue as to the emotional rollar coaster that i've been having this whole week - so i don't know....the words....they were a reminder of me in the past...
so yeah, finally, i think i'm now coping better....
BUT look, just in case u think it all has to do w this miracle of the letter...it was just the turning point. there are THREE OTHER SPECIAL ppl i need to acknowledge as the REAL HELPERS through my muddy waters...
and hopefully, those three know who they are. bc wo those 3 giving me gentle reminders that they're there if i need them everyday, damnit, i don't think i would be in a very good spot right now. i would have probably resorted to going to talk to a real life counsellor hehe - wasting my friggin money.
hehe i'm not there yet. it's going to take more time. i know that still bc every now and then i get a panicky attack and everything sort of rushes on through...
but to those 3 special ppl....THANK U. u've done heaps. even if it seems like it hasn't. each day, it just keeps seeping through...and its working a charm :)
at the same time, i think its best i acknowledge that the ppl around me are great ppl too. everyone. everyone who's showed some concern in some way, or have taken it upon themselves to make me smile a little more...there's all of these little incidents lately that i could name that has helped me through each day...but i won't bore u w details...and most of them are fairly private too...
i am who i am bc of those around me. they make me believe in who i am. they make me believe that i am still ok. i can be independent bc of their support. i am who i am, bc of those around me.
i guess i'm not so lonely after all.
damn my stupid insecurities huh? (which of course, will probably return w a vengence some other time in my life)
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