uncertainties
Today I had my pallative care placement down in FRANKSTON. Can i just say, the ride to frankston is FAR. Maybe its just the monotomous ride there that makes it seem worse. But seriously, my arse was on the seat for far too long.
Alot of it surprised me. I suppose I'm so use to the idea that pallative=terminal. But I was asked to interview a patient who was being discharged. She didn't come in to die. She came in to get her pain under control. I suppose that gives some hope for such a bleak place. We were told that 75% of the admissions, do die. So, the fact that the 4 of us managed to get patients that were doing well and ready to go back out there in the real world, it is probably to cushion the experience for us.
But then we went on the ward round. And we met one patient. With lung cancer. And mets. And it hit close to home. Her reason for admission was she developed severe SOB. My cousin is experiencing that now. And just standing there, listening to this lady, listening to the doctor's next plan of action - I felt panicked. I saw my cousin's face in that lady. And I saw what her life would be like in the next few months and it scared me. I felt so scared for my 2nd cousin. The uncertainties she is about to face. No one should face this sorta thing- even at 21 years old. Hell, the biggest problem of our lives should be what are we gonna do with our lives, not, what do I do when the person who raised me goes...
I was about to break down. I was about to walk out of that consultation. And as it was winding up, I drew a big breath of relief. Until I heard the doctor say: "and if this SOB gets worse, if I need to, I will knock you out - I won't have any reservations."
What he meant, was he'll put her to sleep. Sedate her. In his experience, these patients that go under sedation, they don't wake up.
So many uncertainties coming our way. How do I make the situation better?
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