Less than 24 hrs to go...
This is the 100th thing I've done today to procrastinate. It's not that I know everything for tomorrow's exam, it is that I DON'T and I don't want to see the things that I know I don't know but should know in order to pass this friggin exam.
So that only leads me to think that perhaps, I may fail this exam. Which would be absolutely horrible and yet here I am, blogging away.
It's just, after 4 yrs of med school, it annoys me greatly that my memory isn't strong enough to hold it all. My anatomy is SHOCKING and I use to be quite proud of my anatomy knowledge. I am very annoyed that I've lost that knowledge and to go through it again now, what, a good 16 hrs away from the VIA exam just seems so futile. Not to mention, it makes me feel very bad. Oh yes, its very bad for the ego.
This last exam period has been disastrous for my emotions. I have been very emtionally labile, from ranting and yelling luantic when my bro asked if I wanted to go get some lollies w him yesterday (NO I DON'T I HAVE A FUCKING EXAM LEAVE ME ALONE) to crying like a baby coming off drugs bc something on A current affair was sad, or was it that the Biggest loser contestants were crying?
Either way, it is not nice. I have come to the point where I have to mentally pump myself to attend my exams. It took me a good 30 mins in the morning before my osce to convince myself to get into the car and drive. It will be the same for tomorrow. Except tomorrow I'm less prepared for, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm freaked to the max. But also, very over these exam periods.
My adrenaline stash is nearly all dried up. I think that's what I'm attributing this 'can't do shit to save own arse tomorrow'. It has a been a tough 2nd semester and I'm drained. I can't keep getting stressed over 10 million things and then turning up ok. Good thing my personal hell ends tomorrow. But w life (oh yes, here comes dark and twisty), I had to get a phone call last night w more dreaded news. And that has spiked stress levels again and really, do I have to go through it all over again? Wasn't this 1 year enough? Can't I stop caring soon? Can I please not have to deal w adult issues?
Ok. That's enough. I will be done by this time tomorrow. I can't believe the day is here. Finally. After all of this. After this tough year. Wish me luck tomorrow that tomorrow's exam isn't bad. Or that I remember stuff my brain did learn a few years ago. Better do me proud brain.
1 Comments:
How was it??! Are you FRRRREEEEE now too??
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