Chvi

Currently in Transition

I am indeed, in transition mood. I'm havin this odd cyclothalmic sensation where I'd be happy with life one minute, and then become fairly depressed...and then happy. and content. Hmmm, haven't felt content in a long while.

It is amazing how one little piece of information can turn ur day around. Or ur direction. Bc I recently found out something, maybe the better word is got confirmation of, something that I've been waiting for a long while now. And for what I would have previously thought to be 'bad news' and it would send me on a rather depressive spiral, it hasn't. For which, I am glad.

I took all the precautionary measures too. As soon as I found out, I told all my closest friends (read social support group lol, christine's social support group) and all responded in their expected ways. Which was good. In that it gave me time to consider how I was feeling over the whole thing.

And the weird thing is? I feel liberated. Because its my time to move on. It's my time to set up new goals. People, we call this growth.

I probably should blog what's being going on in the last 4 wks maybe. Well its being going on all year but the last 4 wks things started piling. All the bad things. It got to the point where the only good thing going on in my life was MY BEAUTIFUL CAR. As depressive as that sounds. As lonely and sad as that sounds.

But then 2 wks ago, I managed to stupidly smash my front car into shelves in my garage. And my car came out dented and scratched. That was very painful. BUT then, last friday, A STUPID IDIOTIC SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING ASIAN WOMAN DRIVER smashed into my car. DOING THE STUPIDEST MISTAKE. Went from L lane and wanted to turn R wo indicating and smashed into my side front. STUPID STUPID WOMAN. It was Friday 13th too by the way.

I just got so mad. So angry. So WHY IS THIS SHIT COMING NOW. And then I stupidly acknowledge to a friend who perhaps has no loyalty to me anyway, that the car was the ONLY GOOD THING going on in my life. And that just pointed out to me how very sad my thought process had become.

So I decided that that moment, had to be my lowpoint for this year. There shall be no other lows bc let's face it, if having ur car smashed by another party (ie, they will then be paying for repairs) is the lowpoint of ur existence, then life isn't so damn shitty.

There are so many more challenges ahead for me for this year. Many more. And alot of them are probably too difficult and complex for my immature levels to handle. But no matter how distressing its gonna get, at least I've got content back. And sometimes, just breathing in nice and slowly is all you need to soldier on. Bring it on bitches.

posted by chvi @ 12:02 AM