Tuesday, September 06, 2005

massive field of flowers

if there was anything to be learnt in the past week, it is that life is indeed, too short. and yet, here i sit, at my desk, wondering what i should do next.

my friend's dad is still in hospital, in intensive care. the entire family is shocked and shakened. they're not sure what's going on. they're not sure how they should act. i tried talking to my friend, but it was useless. this med course helps u deal w grief at an arms length. its required i suppose. but for a friend? i can't pull that same crap. she didn't want any of it. instead, we talked of rather unimportant things, filled w hollow laughter. and of course i said the stupidiest thing: "oh yeah, we have father's day dinner on tonight". go hit me on the head someone.

hurricane kristina tells u yeah, do what u want to do in life and do so now. but don't u feel so stucK? i'm stuck due to no money, i'm stuck due to lack of freedom. i'm stuck bc i'm too scared to go venture on my own. i'm in that phase where i've decided life is worth life experiences. it doesn't matter how much money u make, how much u exceed in ur career, but measure success in terms of how much u have learned over the years. i dream of living in new york, london, exploring other countries. i dream of sitting still in a massive field of flowers and just let life spin.

i worry abt my existence. it's all abt finding the guts to take a risk. i wish i had it.

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