missing the alf already
You know, the monash end of exam period finishes next week. I just finished uni this week. My exam is the week after end of exam period.
I really wish the faculty stuck to uni's own timetable.
I am completely stressed and yet completely unmotivated to study. It's not that i don't want to learn, its the overwhelming sense of having to remember it all that hurts. And its the sense of no time that makes studying difficult. I mean, today the sun was so nice and bright at 7pm, so in my head, it still felt like it was 4. oops.
I had the funniest realisation during a radiology tute. I remember reading comments from friends' blog where they make the simple statement: I love studying med.
And i probably ponded over it so much, but suddenly i had the realisation, omg, I (ie ME!) love studying med. It is rather freaky to think that actually. It was the weirdest realisation, and one i'm not too sure actually exists. I often think i play too many mind games w myself to u know, emotionally deal w crap, and I wonder if the whole stress thing is making me THINK i love studying med. I also realised in the tute, that if i really did love studyig med, how come i wasn't listening to the tutor. Silly me.
But it is an odd realisation. I have often questioned my reason for doing this course...it has never been clear cut to me and many times, i always wonder if doing this course was the right thing for me but to think OMG I LOVE MED...that's big news. and it is sorter life comfirming. Or confirming that i took my life the right direction. Quietly, I found it completely amusing that my realisation came when during a radiology tute. I fall asleep in radiology tutes.
As the year draws to another end (frick my year finishes in 2 weeks!!), we've gotten our placements for next years hospitals. There is less bitchiness this time round compared to last. How did I go? Well, i got semi screwed over. Semi screwed in that my none of my placements are even remotely my top 3 preferences....but i thankfully, got put in a fantastic groups. Well, on paper they're fantastic groups. I'm quite glad but also, kinda wish there were more new ppl in the group so i would get to know more ppl. I mean, i've gotten to know so many more ppl this year bc of us going to the one hospital.
Anyway, w placements coming out for next year, and ppl demanding on finding out what semester dates are like next year, I've come to the realisation that next year is A HUGE YEAR. It's a massive year. It's a crazy year. It's a year were I have to travel to 5 different hospitals, learn 4 different aspects of medicine we have not been exposed to ONCE (ok GP we have but psych? women's? children's? Frick on a holy stick!!!), plus revise 4 years of medical school (it's seriously like 3942938741 year 12s workload put tog) to sit for exams that count and that will help me get an internship in 2009. FRICK ON A FRIGGIN BIG STICK.
The stress of studying for these exams has lead me to come up w this MUST HAVE A STUDY PLAN for next year. and dear god i hope to do it. I need it. I need to pull myself tog and learn the damn thing properly. I really want to pass this year. and next year. MAN, i'm shitting myself.
On another note (and a nicer note), I've become quite melancholy about leaving the alfred. I have become quite attached to it. Today was my last official 'uni' day there. While i have been in a subdude, depressive mood lately, particularly over the idea of not achieving anything this year, i must say that there were plenty of good times at the alfred. Plenty. And i'm sad to leave it. I was so sure i'd get it for psych, but i didn't, and it is unlikely that i will step into that hospital again until 5th year (MAN I HOPE SO).
I'm sad to be leaving the group of ppl who are w me at the alfred atm. I looked at the psych groups going there next year, and its just not the same. Doesn't have the same feel. Not the same alfred snobbery, yet childish feel to it (yes we're snobberish!). Despite this period of unloathing cribbling depression, my 3rd year of medical school will be remembered fondly.
In fact, i just realised that while i've been half bitching abt my placements for next year bc its so FRIGGIN FAR (most will take me an hr to get there), i've realised....it takes me an hr to get to the alfred. and apart from earlier on in the year when i complained, hehe i haven't really since. Bc i quite like going there. I'm really going to miss the alfred.
I still can't quite believe my year is over in 2 weeks.....
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