Chvi

quick easy fix

I think i've gotten some insight as to why depression is such a hard medical disease that isn't at all treatable by another person.

I've been in the worse sulky mood lately that tells me that i'm overall, not happy. not a happy jan. i blame it solely on the shoulders of exam stress.

But it isn't all the time. Alot of it is personal, but if it was exam stress, I still wouldn't have this sinking feeling inside. I wouldn't have that feeling that i'm floating, going mindlessly from one thing to the next. Instead, the only thing i should have is FEAR in my soul. Nope, I definitely have that sinking feeling inside.

I know logically, my problems are pathetic compared to the real world. But it doesn't stop me from feeling my absolutely shittest. And there is not one thing or one person who could turn this around for me. There's support, and that helps sooooo much...but ultimately, i can only take myself out of this stinker. I truly honestly believe now that self doubt and unhappiness w urself, depression, can only be 'fixed' by yourself. That there is always a lesson to be learnt by it.

I am one of those quick easy fixer type ppl (haha does that point to the fact that i should be a surgeon?) and i like to get things done when they're stuck in my head. This whole depressed state I've been in has been bugging me for ages and I just want to shake the whole damn thing off.

Although, if you read from the past blogs, this has gotta be some new record. This burning unhappiness inside usually happens 2-4 times a year...I believe this is my first for this year? Or well, first one that has lasted this long. haha. Not that that helps w the whole fixing thing i was rambling on abt.

I just need to get over it. Over this whole feeling. Bc its not doing any good for me and i don't like it. no siry.

posted by chvi @ 1:42 AM